Not Alone Series: Rosary and Single Life

October is dedicated to the Holy Rosary, so we wanted to honor Mary and reflect on her help during this time of singleness. How have you called on her intercession before? What is your relationship with our Blessed Mother like? If you don't know much about Mary or the Rosary, is there something keeping you from getting to know her?

I pray the Rosary everyday, I have for the last five years.

Before that Mary has always been an integral part of my life even when I wasn't paying attention. My mother shares Mary's birthday, September 8. I was baptised at a Marian church, the Cathedral of the Immaculate conception. Attended the school for that church and made my First Communion there. Confirmed at a different Marian church the Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima. My great-grandmother Mary had a strong devotion to Mary and both of them lead me back to Jesus and my Faith.

I was going to church but not really there and a challenge to pray one decade of the Rosary quickly lead to praying a full mystery daily. What I love is that Mary does not point to herself but to her Beloved Son. In her Magnificat she proclaims "My soul magnifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour". At the wedding feast at Cana she tells us "do whatever He tells you", nothing after that.

Mary is not spoken a lot of in the bible so I have been reading up on her as much as I can.

Just a few of the books I have

It's a journey, I seek her intercession but I also seek to emulate her. Her courage, her Faith, her steadfastness. Seriously if someone told me a sword would pierce my heart also I would be tears and searching for that contract to verify the fine print cause I don't think I signed up for the pain. Our Blessed Mother took the pain and sorrow right along with the Joy and Glory of being the mother of God.

I can just imagine her speaking to  Jesus on my behalf saying to Him similarly to when she said "They have no wine", "she has no husband", "she needs a new car" "that problem is too overwhelming". She doesn't whine or complain but simply states each request and trusts Him to do the what is best.

What is your relationship with Mary? Don't have one, why?

Visit Jen for the link-up and see what everyone else has to say.

Not Alone Series: Freebie

Feel free to catch us up on life, talk about something that's on your heart or have a stream of conscience post! No rules here! :)

I have never changed a tire. I am very proud of the fact that I have never changed a tire. I have owned this car for about five years and have had about five flats, nicks or whatever and I have gotten them changed without any problem or cost. 

I have no problem with letting men be chivalrous when it comes to car because I am blissful in my ignorance and am in no hurry to change that.

I felt the same way about household repairs and maintenance but I am starting to change my mind on that (not on cars though). Previously if there was a leak I would call the plumber no question. Actually I would call my uncle who was friends with a plumber or I was likely to be waiting a week before I may actually get a plumber.

This past week I have found myself trying my hand at a little diy home repair. I am actually proud of myself. It was nothing major just a small leak in the bathroom. I'm not running out to buy my own set of tools (still don't know the correct names for most of them).

All I had to do was tighten a thingie, I'm very good with the technical names. While I have no plans to be laying tiles or spreading grout it feels good to know what to do without having to call someone for a simple fix.

Did you read Jen and Morgan's posts? Did you hear the exciting news? Head over there to congratulate them and share in the excitement. Also see Jen's post for the link-up to catch up with everyone.

Hosting As A Single

Now usually couples and families host the big events but there is no reason a single cannot. This will be the third year I'll be hosting (with my sister) for New Year's and it continues to grow in the number of people who show up. The first year it was small just one aunt, her kids, a couple older teenage cousins, my grandmother and mother. Last year we included some friends with kids and another family friend, this year we are adding even more people.

Now don't think I have some grand abode with space to spare, not even in my simplest dreams. I have a good sized kitchen which helps but my house is small. My budget and my time are not excessive either so these are just a few tips that I have employed and learnt along the way.

Relax
This is so important. Something will likely go wrong or at least quite not how you want it. Do NOT  let it become the focus.

Decide Time or Money
Which do you want to save, when and where? Spend the money and save the time by buying a bag salad. Spend the time and save the money making rolls from scratch. This year I am spending the money on disposable plates after two years of spending the time washing dishes I am over it. there are perfectly cute or event appropriate disposable plates that can easily fit a theme.

 There were even plates that said happy New Year, Merry Christmas and 2014. These looked close to real.


Plan to do only one or two dishes well
I do not follow my own advice here but a week ago my friend hosted her single friends for a dinner, she did drinks and décor well, while leaving the rest to us. I did an amazing and well loved tiramisu for the dinner, everyone brought something and we had a great time. I like the cooking and baking part of hosting so I go all out with that and leave the other details to my sister. Know your strengths and go with it.

Have fun
Don't get so caught up in the details that you don't get a chance to mingle and be a part of the whole thing. My first year I spent most of my time in the kitchen and running all over. Last year I set things up, I got a chance to mingle and if I just had to spend some time in the kitchen I didn't go alone I took a cousin or two with me.

Don't be afraid to go casual
I don't have a dinning room table. I have a coffee table in the living room and some patio furniture outside with a table. Everything is served buffet style, everyone gets to freely move around and mingle as they like. At my friend's dinner (she has a dining table which we didn't use) and sometimes at mine, the board games come out, stories are told. We don't miss the sit down dinner that much and I don't feel self-conscious with the mismatched plates, what I own came in sets of four but we are close to 20 in people who show up. It also helps when someone unexpected shows up.

Pray
Even a well loved relative or friend can get on your last nerve at the wrong time. It is easy to get just a little overwhelmed even when you try to relax. Let God be a part of the party.

Christmas doesn't end until after the 6th January, invite a few people over and spread some cheers.

If anyone has any other ideas feel free to share them.

Merry Christmas to my readers!!!!!

Not Alone Series: Inferiority vs Inspiration

"The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it." Gen 1:6-7

This week on the Not Alone Series we are looking at Envy and Singlehood. In one of my devotionals envy is described as counting someone else's blessings. It is very easy to ask "what about me?", "when is it going to be my turn?", to feel like you are not worth it or God has forgotten you. "How did they deserve that more than I did?"

You see all those girls that are never without a boyfriend. Your 21 year old neighbour gets married and has her first baby less than a year later. The friend who has always been in the same boat as you gets married and you still don't even have someone to hold your hand. It is very easy to feel inferior to everyone else who seems to have everything we want. To feel angry about those who are being blessed with the husband and the kids all the while living contrary to the way God has asked us to.

Cain killed Abel in a fit of jealous rage. Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery.

How about feeling inspired? Yes I want to cry when another friend says she's getting married. I wonder what she did right and I didn't but instead of dwelling on that I can Thank God for a new, beautiful witness to family life. I can pray for the road ahead of them because one day God willing I will also be on a similar road and I would love for someone to pray for me.

I am not quite there yet but I am working on closing that door that envy opens and sin lurks behind. It is not always easy. Dante says it is a rare person who loves enough to rejoice in all goodness whether he or she benefits directly or not. I've always wanted to be unique so I am working on practising that happy attitude.

Want to know what everyone else had to say on the topic of Envy and Singlehood then visit Jen for the link up.

Not Alone Series: Friends with Guys

"Faithful friends are beyond price; no amount can balance their worth." Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) 6:15. When I first saw the topic "Is it possible to be just friends with a guy" my answer was automatically yes, however as I thought about how I wanted to write this (I couldn't just write "yes the end") I really started to think about this question.

According to the dictionary a friend is a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts or person whom one knows; an acquaintance, a person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. Another has the definition as a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. (kind of disagree with that last part since my best friend as a child was my cousin, he got me into and of of trouble and we had a bond).

"Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends, for as a person is, so is his friend too." Sirach 6:17.

If a guy and a girl are or even just one is awkward around each in both group and one on one interactions because of a current or past crush they cannot be friends. If they are just awkward in the one on one but are fine in group interactions then they can be friends. I am friends with a few girsl that I only interact with in a group situations, they are no less my friends.

If a guy or a girl are only "friends" with the hope that it can maybe go further then they are not friends. One person will be acting as a friend while the other is using the relationship for a hopeful gain.

If a guy and a girl only meet up every once in a while when neither are in a relationship for "other" reasons they are not. Friends do not have those kinds of benefits.

A loyal friend is a powerful defence: whoever finds one has indeed found a treasure. Sir 6:14. I have that in a guy, he's a guy I can count on to pray for me and give me good advice.

A loyal friend is the elixir of life, and those who fear the Lord will find one. Sir 6:16. I also have this in a few guys, they have me laughing all the time. They bring out the competitive side in me and take me back to my childhood.

A friendship with a guy will probably not look or feel like a friendship with another girl but then again a friendship with one girl will not look like the friendship of another girl.

Check out Jen to see what everyone else had to say.

Not Alone Series: I am

"We are God's work of art, created in Christ Jesus for the good works which God has already designated to make up our way of life." Eph 2:10. This week in the Not Alone Series we are looking at the topic of Who we are right now as single young women. Not who we are as other's see us but who we are in God's eyes

This topic required a lot of prayer and procrastination, meeting yourself can be hard and awkward. You wonder do you really want to know you, will you like you, can you get along. Are you worth even getting to know, I'm sure you've heard the rumours and everything else everyone has already had to say. Do you really want to go down that road, are you special enough?

There is someone who thinks I am special and He tells me so. Isa 43:4 "Since I regard you as precious, since you are honoured and I love you," If God thinks that I'm special, precious then I must be worth getting to know.

I am full of grace. I am not Mary, not even close though I believe I strive to imitate her, to become more like her. However, God's Grace is all over my life, full and abundant. I may not always accept, recognize or cherish it all as I should but it is there and at work in me. God's grace keeps me from doing anything stupid in my impatience. It keeps me looking to Him, seeking Him and His Will for me.

I am a servant. I like doing things for people, it is one of my primary love languages. I look forward to the day that I can serve my husband and family but until then and to an extent after then I can serve others. This is was definitely something I did not know about myself until a couple years ago. I have always hated housework, and I still dislike it to a certain extent so I have never seen this in myself. Someone actually mentioned to me that I have a servant's heart after we had been involved in a number of different events together. I am an introvert and don't really like just standing around talking so put me to work and I love it.

I am content. I am for the most part over this season of my life and am really, really looking forward to marriage and kids but I am still content with where I am in my life. I have always gotten the impression that being content and wanting something else are mutual exclusive (inclusive??), do not go together. I would argue that just because I desire something different from what I have now does not make me malcontent to what I do have now. I can cherish the time I spend with the little cousins and the god-nephew while desiring these experiences with my own kids.

I am strong. Definitely not physically strong, my arms are like two match-sticks but I am strong in so many different ways. I am spiritually strong, God is the one doing all the heavy lifting but my strength is found in Him. He carries my and I am strong enough to know I need Him to carry me. I am emotionally strong, life has not always gone my way and I have had way more than my share of downs but I don't stay down. Getting up takes strength whether you jump right back up or struggle to find your footing.

I am me. My mother's father has eight siblings and her mother has even more, in such a large extended family even in a small gathering you will find out how much you look, walk or act like that relative you have never met. I may talk like Aunty M or have eyes like Uncle C but I am so uniquely me. Every quirk, creative expression and past experience is all me, not easily duplicated or replicated.


Head on over to Morgan's to linkup and to read everyone else.

Not Alone Series: Preparing for my future vocation NOW

My priest loves to say that the future begins NOW when trying to motivate the young to become more involved in their Faith and parish. This week for the Not Alone Series we are looking at we can do to prepare for our future vocation NOW.

Most of what I do now and what I am about to suggest is targeted to a future vocation of marriage but many can be applied to any future vocation.

PRAY
Most important and top of my list. I pray for and about my future vocation of marriage. I pray for my future husband, besides the millions of prayers that have been lifted up for meeting him I also pray for him. I pray for his health, his job, his character, his prayer life, his relationship with God and with others, his family, his Faith, etc. I also pray for myself.

Do It Now
All those things that you plan to do "when...", do them now where possible. If you are going to eat healthier when you have kids, read better books when you get married, ... You are not suddenly going to stop swearing in the delivery room, in fact it just may be harder to break the habit because didn't you just clean the "bleep bleep" living room, what have those kids been doing you have guests coming over in 10 minutes and it looks like "bleep bleep bleep".

Read
There are great books out there not just for marriage preparation but you preparation. Books that empower, encourage, educate, inspire. There are many things that you cannot learn from a book but a book can turn your mind on and have you thinking what you never have thought of as well as expand on what you already did. "The Five Love Languages" "How To Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul" "Fill These Hearts" "The Life God Wants You To Have" "How To Find True Love"

Make Great Friends
A couple years ago someone told me that while I was waiting to me my groom and should work on meeting my bridesmaids. Those great friends who will pray with you and for you, laugh with you but never at you, cry with but won't make you cry. The friends who will risk your friendship to tell you a hard truth. The kind who are a bad influence on your kids in the best possible way. The ones who will never bad talk you husband even if you said it first, they will sit, listen, probably bring the wine and if need be utter a few words of encouragement and support. They are the friends who will send the world's biggest bear for your first child, say congratulations when you announce you are pregnant with the sixth (even while everyone is asking if you never heard of birth control) and remind you what a blessing #7 who is going to be born before #6 is 1 although you were trying to avoid is without even having to say the words.

Don't Date Jerks
If he spits, sniffs, scratches and swears, you know you could never marry him then do NOT date him. If you think you can change him, he is just misunderstood or no one understands him like you do... you probably can't, he most likely isn't and I'm pretty sure you don't, time to move on.

Become The Person You Want To Marry
If you want to marry a devout, Catholic man, then become a devout, Catholic woman. While considering what you want your future husband to bring to the altar you need to ensure your basket is just as attractive.

Pay Down, Get Out of Debt, Avoid Getting Into Debt
If you have a huge debt try your best to pay it down or eliminate it altogether. If you have no debt avoid getting into any unnecessary debt. The huge unexpected medical bills are unavoidable but that flat screen t.v probably could have waited.

Have an Idea of What You Want
If you want to be a stay-at-home-mom, a working mom, a home-schooler, have ten kids then have cultivates these ideas and why. Compromise will be the order of the day when you actually meet Mr Wonderful but these won't just be random ideas floating around in your mind, these will be solid opinions and it is so much easier to have a rational conversation when you know what you are talking about.

Spend Time With Your Married Friends
Seeing is believing. While trying to gawk as if you are watching wild animals in their natural habit or the zoo, gently observe your happily married friends. Marriage is not all bliss but when you listen to and watch those couples who work at their marriage you just may be able to take away something that you can use for yourself. Everyone is different, every marriage is different, every relationship is different so don't try to copy verbatim. Happily married friends are also great for vetting, encouragement and support.

Don't forget to check out the bloggers linking up this week, Jen is hosting the link up.

Not Alone Series: What I love About Being Single

I am loving this series so it is a pleasure to come back yet another week. This week "What I love about being single", yes I have a huge desire to be married but there are some things I am loving about this time of my life.

I don't have to shave my legs when I don't feel like it. It's not pretty and I know I will like to look pretty for my husband so if I wake up and slathering on the nair seems like just too much I wear pants.

I always get to make my potato salad how I like it. This big for me, my sister and I do not like it the same way, in fact after having to make some for a BBQ I discovered most of my friends do not like it the same as I do. While I'm single I only have to make it to my taste unless I'm making it for a BBQ again. This goes for pizza too.

The right way to do the laundry is my way. The same for cooking rice, making meatballs, bread and cleaning. It would be great to share these responsibilities but I am liking that I am not biting my tongue because the husband or the kids are not doing it right aka the way I do it.

I get to hog the bed. I have shared a bed with sisters, cousins and friends, I'm not the biggest fan of it. I like my space and I like my covers all to myself.

I can lose myself in a book for hours without guilt, I probably shouldn't do that now anyhow but I at least I don't have to choose between finding out "What Katy Did" and spending time with my husband or making dinner or playing with the kids.

My prayer time is mine. I know that a shared prayer life is something that is important to me for when I enter married life but I am loving this time when it is just me and the Lord (and the communion of Saints).

Moving from a house with boys to a house of just women, the toilet seat is always down.

I am growing into me. I have moved from shy and introverted to simply introverted.

Two years ago I won a Caribbean Cruise (yes that stuff actually does happen), I was on vacation when I got the phone call and the trip was in 6 weeks. There were no schedules to co-ordinate but mine.

While planning for that trip that I was going to take with my sister (it was a trip for two) and seeing all the amazing things we could do we realized more than half the things I wanted to do she didn't. I get to plan for myself without missing out on anything I want to do, while I have no problem ditching my sister (plus it was my trip so guilt works) for a few I don't think I'll feel comfortable doing the same thing to a hubby.

My friends can call me up to meet them in 20 minutes for the movies or just to get ice cream.

I get to experience my friends in our own special, crazy way. I have had quite a few friends get married recently and while we are still friends the relationship changes a little bit.

So there is actually quite a bit I love about being single. Jen is hosting the link up this wee so check her and everybody else out.

Not Alone Series: Discernment

When I was six I knew I wanted 12 kids and that was it. I had no example of marriage , healthy or otherwise, that put the idea of marriage in my mind or my plan. I just knew I wanted 12 kids and the dad had to be around because mine wasn't and I didn't like that.

When I was 12 I wanted 14 kids and I wanted a husband, except I was shy, a loner and a tomboy. At that point in my life kissing a boy did not seem appealing, they were okay to play with but they were sweaty and their mouths had spit which was gross.

When I was 19 I had a bad dating experience. I had never dated before and was a lost sheep with no idea of the rules plus I was still shy, awkward and a loner. I was painfully skinny, taller than a lot of the guys (I'm only 5' 9.5"), I did not have a lot of self confidence going on.

Around 20/21 I took a step back from dating, I needed the time to figure myself out, to know myself and to mature my wishy-washy relationship with God. I'm not sure I had much of a plan then just that I needed time to myself, I had no idea how long or any real rules. Although I didn't know it yet but this time was my 40 days in the wilderness, my time away from it all to grow closer to God (I also had my own test of will with satan). I went from looking for the slightest excuse not to get up to go to Sunday Mass to going to Daily Mass, I spend as much time as I can in front the Blessed Sacrament and I attend Adoration regularly

My hiatus lasted much longer than I thought it would, although I didn't have a time period I still thought that I would just wake up one morning ready. I also was thinking months instead of the years  but over that time where guys and getting married wasn't my focus the desire did grow in my heart and I did just wake up one morning ready.

Now I have questioned my desire over time because I have had quite a few priests and nuns who I like, respect and trust ask me if I have ever considered religious life because they see something in me. I have always brought it to pray but I have never felt that anything that tells me God wants me to be a nun.

My journey through discernment is definitely not over, as someone told me that discernment is lifelong. I think about the skills, characteristics, insights and qualities that I have gained over my lifetime and I know that wherever God is leading me I am prepared.

Want to read posts by others? Go to Jen’s blog!

Not Alone Series: Introduction

I'm a little late to the party but I am joining in with the Not Alone Series. It will be nice to blog along with other fellow singles, there are so many married and mommy bloggers (which I love) but it will be great to read blogs of other singles on their journey.

I am Nikki, my name is actually Nekeisha but nobody has ever called me that except for in Secondary School (High School), in fact a lady at church got confused after she pulled my name for our annual Christmas gift exchange last year. I totally knew who got my name because she came to me to ask who "that" person was.

I live in Trinidad and Tobago, the Trinidad half, which is in the Caribbean. I work in Accounting, I love to read, I crochet and bake. I am learning (teaching myself, same difference) to sew and quilt. My favourite colour is purple. I have one sister who at anytime can be my closest friend or worst enemy.

For the most part I am content being single, I really like hanging out with my friends (although are starting to get married in droves) and I can do many things at the drop of a hat, like winning and going on a cruise (yes that actually happened). I am also using this time to improve my relationship with God and myself. I am trying to learn patience and I am getting better at managing my home, I am not holding out at perfecting that before I get married, I may not hate cleaning anymore but we aren't besties either.

I am looking forward to getting to know the other bloggers and finding some new blogs to read.

Valentine's Day Is Not A S.A.D Day

In recent years I have noticed Valentine's Day being referred to as Singles Awareness Day aka a SAD day.

As a single woman I do not need a holiday to make me aware that I am single. But most importantly Valentine's Day isn't a day to celebrate coupledom it is a day to celebrate love and I don't need to be in a romantic relationship to have love in my life. In fact if my life lacked love because I was not in a romantic relationship then not just the day but my life would be SAD.

Even if you live on a remote island all alone you are in at least one relationship, the relationship you have with God. God is love, He made us to love Him, He loves us. Hello we're in Lent, a time in the Liturgical Calendar that embodies love, a time that culminates in the greatest act of love just for you. So you're single and probably won't get candy this year, Jesus gave you an even better gift, He suffered and died on a Cross just for you. He thinks you're pretty special.

You're relationship with God isn't so hot, that's okay, as I said we're in Lent a great time for strengthening and building that relationship. Try praying daily, God wants to hear from you, he's been waiting to hear from you, just like the father in the prodigal son he's already racing to greet you. Confession, this is the best time of the year to get to confession, there really is no sin that the priest has not heard before it doesn't matter how long it's been since you've gone.  I had a period of years before I started going monthly

Once again I mention that it's Lent, The Church has a wide array of activities and events to help you build and strengthen your relationship with the Lord. Day retreats, Friday Stations of the Cross, Adoration, bible studies, Friday fish fries, check your local parish for what else is available, check your neighbouring parish to see what they have available, invite a friend to go with you.

So if you are single like me this Valentine don't be S.A.D, focus on the relationships that you do have especially the one with Our Lord.

Happy St. Valentine's Day.