Not Alone Series: Qualities in our Husbands

What are the qualities and characteristics that you are looking for in your future husband? We have talked about what we don't want, but it's good to have an idea of those things that are important to us. Discerning religious life? This applies to communities, as well!

I pray about various qualities I want in my future husband frequently. I add and subtract things as I grow and mature, as I listen to my married friends talk and as I notice little things in successful marriages around me.

1. Strong Faith. I need a man who has his own relationship with God. An active prayer life. Lives a Sacramental life including regular confession.

2. He is open t life, wants to be a father. Is patient with kids. Naturally playful with them. As per Natalie's list is able and willing to change a diaper.

3. Automatively handy. A.K.A knows what to do with a car. I have specific gas stations that I stop at because the attendants know me and fill up my car for me. I don't know anything about changing oil, batteries or tires. I am spoiled right now that I don't do those things for myself or have to remember when they need to be done and it may be selfish but I would like that to continue in marriage.

3. Intelligent. I'm not necessarily talking Phd but is able to have great conversations about a variety of topics.

4. Self-assured. I'm all for building up my husband but it shouldn't be a full-time job. He should have a certain level of confidence and security in who he is.

5. Dependable. If he says he is going to do something I want to know I can count on him. I understand that there may be the occasional situations that may be out of his control but I want to know that I can count and rely on him.

6. Tall. The average height for a man is 5'8, I'm taller than that

7. A little bit of a dreamer. Not necessary looking for a man who lives with his head constantly in the clouds or always chasing the next big thing but someone who dreams big or small and is not afraid to step out of the box every once in a while.

My list can get very long but I think these are the top ones. God might decide that I need a short guy who knows nothing about cars but I continue to pray about that.

What qualities are you looking for in a spouse or religious community? Visit Jen for the link-up and Morgan too.

Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers Again

We have chatted about our deal breakers/non-negotiables before, but how do you keep from letting your standards fall? What prevents you from just dating any guy out there? What keeps you going?

God wants the best for me so I should also want the best for myself.

My birthday is Friday. "Another year older, still no man." "You are not getting any younger." Lovely words to hear this last week and although I some times I think similar thoughts the people who do say these things to me don't know me very well.

Last year I was talking to a friend whose birthday is just after mine, wishing each other happy happy, lamenting getting older and being the only two from a particular set of friends still single. In the last 2-3 years everyone else has gotten married, entered the Seminary or Religious Life and one decided just to do it her own way and had a baby. Dani said "God's timing is perfect and it will happen when it's time to happen." She is very wise and I hold on to her words.

God's timing is perfect and even though the old clock seems to tick faster I'm not about to become desperate. I don't just want a husband to say I have a husband. I want the right man. A godly, prayerful man. A man who shares my Faith and values. The Eucharist, the Body of Christ is very important to me and when I go to receive Him at Mass I am walking towards Jesus so I want my husband walking with me. Not left behind in the pew or even worse not even there but back at the house watching football, cricket or hockey.

I think that if I just grabbed the next available guy even though he is totally unsuited to me I just may be happier single than married.

I want to be happily married. I know we may disagree and everything will not be perfect or even happy all the time but the guy I envision will work with me and pray with me so we can keep figuring it out.

Having friends like Dani and the NAS community is really helpful. Looking around sometimes it feels like everyone is paired up even 10 year olds (rant for another day) it's great to have people in your corner who also have similar standards, who are waiting or have waited.

I had a co-worker ask me a few months ago if I thought maybe my standards were too high and if I really thought there was a guy out there like that. I said yes and it was a really easy yes for me to say. Sometimes I doubt and lose patience but I keep trusting God and His timing.

What helps you to not let your standards fall? What keeps you going? Leave a comment and visit Jen for the link-up to see what everyone else has to say.

Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers

We have all thought about our list of qualities for our future spouse (and maybe even religious community), but sometimes those can be pretty limiting on who God has planned for you. Instead, maybe think about the few things that are so important to you, that if a guy you were considering dating (or community you were entering) didn't have those things, you would have to move on. Why are those things important to you?

My Faith is important to me, very. My family is very catholic, non-catholic. Going to church and praying alone is lonely. My most important deal breaker is my future husband has to be Catholic. The capital C kind. Who believes and accepts ALL the teachings of the church, I have learnt that those two don't always go together for some people. I love Jesus and the fullness of my Catholic Faith and he needs to as well. He doesn't have to be a perfect Catholic just a practising one.

He has to be living chastely. Not worrying about his past at this time, at least not enough for it to be an immediate deal breaker. However when we meet I need chastity to be a way of life for him not something he doesn't really believe in but will try for me. I certainly don't want to be fighting off grabby and wandering hands or explaining "I don't do that either". Although I guess this would fall under the first deal breaker of him being a practising catholic, although he doesn't have to be Catholic to live chastely.

Now I know people who marry non-Catholics and have a great life. There is a family at my church, the husband comes to Mass with his wife and family every Sunday, he is even semi-involved. They have been married for about 40 years and he is not Catholic, I don't think he has any plan to convert but he is at Mass, participating in everything except receiving Communion. There is another couple where the wife converted after a number of years, the oldest daughter was about eight when it happened. I know non-catholic spouses are not the end of the world. In my heart however, I'm not sure if I could handle one.

What are some of your deal breakers? What are those things you would find hard to overlook? Visit Jen for the link-up and see what everyone else is saying.

Not Alone Series: Preparing for my future vocation NOW

My priest loves to say that the future begins NOW when trying to motivate the young to become more involved in their Faith and parish. This week for the Not Alone Series we are looking at we can do to prepare for our future vocation NOW.

Most of what I do now and what I am about to suggest is targeted to a future vocation of marriage but many can be applied to any future vocation.

PRAY
Most important and top of my list. I pray for and about my future vocation of marriage. I pray for my future husband, besides the millions of prayers that have been lifted up for meeting him I also pray for him. I pray for his health, his job, his character, his prayer life, his relationship with God and with others, his family, his Faith, etc. I also pray for myself.

Do It Now
All those things that you plan to do "when...", do them now where possible. If you are going to eat healthier when you have kids, read better books when you get married, ... You are not suddenly going to stop swearing in the delivery room, in fact it just may be harder to break the habit because didn't you just clean the "bleep bleep" living room, what have those kids been doing you have guests coming over in 10 minutes and it looks like "bleep bleep bleep".

Read
There are great books out there not just for marriage preparation but you preparation. Books that empower, encourage, educate, inspire. There are many things that you cannot learn from a book but a book can turn your mind on and have you thinking what you never have thought of as well as expand on what you already did. "The Five Love Languages" "How To Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul" "Fill These Hearts" "The Life God Wants You To Have" "How To Find True Love"

Make Great Friends
A couple years ago someone told me that while I was waiting to me my groom and should work on meeting my bridesmaids. Those great friends who will pray with you and for you, laugh with you but never at you, cry with but won't make you cry. The friends who will risk your friendship to tell you a hard truth. The kind who are a bad influence on your kids in the best possible way. The ones who will never bad talk you husband even if you said it first, they will sit, listen, probably bring the wine and if need be utter a few words of encouragement and support. They are the friends who will send the world's biggest bear for your first child, say congratulations when you announce you are pregnant with the sixth (even while everyone is asking if you never heard of birth control) and remind you what a blessing #7 who is going to be born before #6 is 1 although you were trying to avoid is without even having to say the words.

Don't Date Jerks
If he spits, sniffs, scratches and swears, you know you could never marry him then do NOT date him. If you think you can change him, he is just misunderstood or no one understands him like you do... you probably can't, he most likely isn't and I'm pretty sure you don't, time to move on.

Become The Person You Want To Marry
If you want to marry a devout, Catholic man, then become a devout, Catholic woman. While considering what you want your future husband to bring to the altar you need to ensure your basket is just as attractive.

Pay Down, Get Out of Debt, Avoid Getting Into Debt
If you have a huge debt try your best to pay it down or eliminate it altogether. If you have no debt avoid getting into any unnecessary debt. The huge unexpected medical bills are unavoidable but that flat screen t.v probably could have waited.

Have an Idea of What You Want
If you want to be a stay-at-home-mom, a working mom, a home-schooler, have ten kids then have cultivates these ideas and why. Compromise will be the order of the day when you actually meet Mr Wonderful but these won't just be random ideas floating around in your mind, these will be solid opinions and it is so much easier to have a rational conversation when you know what you are talking about.

Spend Time With Your Married Friends
Seeing is believing. While trying to gawk as if you are watching wild animals in their natural habit or the zoo, gently observe your happily married friends. Marriage is not all bliss but when you listen to and watch those couples who work at their marriage you just may be able to take away something that you can use for yourself. Everyone is different, every marriage is different, every relationship is different so don't try to copy verbatim. Happily married friends are also great for vetting, encouragement and support.

Don't forget to check out the bloggers linking up this week, Jen is hosting the link up.