Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Not ALone Series: Despair and Vocations

My priest once said that we need to take our eyes off our problems and put our eyes on God. This week on the Not Alone Series we are looking at despair about our vocations and how we deal with that despair moving on into hope.

I wish I could say I have never despaired about getting married and starting a family, that someone else's news of their engagement or pregnancy didn't sometimes bring tears to my eye and pain to my heart. The jealousy and anxiety of when it is going to be my turn.

Prayer is definitely one thing that works for me, spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament or at Adoration to help me get my eyes back on the Lord and off of other people's blessings. Some times are easier than others, I have been known to argue with God (because I obviously know better). When I do get to the actual prayer part and not just the "why am I not there yet" part I seek God's grace, His perfect grace. God's timing is perfect I just need to remember that so His word is often where I go next.

Scripture is very powerful for me at this time. I have God's promises to remind me that He has a plan for me (Jer 29:11), that I don't need to be anxious for anything I just need to go to Him (Phil 4:6). For anything I could possibly be feeling there is a Psalm for that, my bible is the only book I ever feel comfortable writing in, I am constantly underling passages and making notes.

Writing, I have always expressed myself better in the written word so my journal has seen the best and the worst of my despair. It is very cathartic to get it all out, to give what I am feeling a voice that is not destructive. Some of what I write I have never re-read and some I re-read all the time just to remind myself that it isn't so bad.

Counting my own blessings, someone told me that jealousy is counting someone else's blessings. Since jealousy is what often fuels my despair then I need to look at what I have instead of what I don't have. I live rent and mortgage free in my own place even if I have to share it with my sister, I have great friends some with great kids that I get to cuddle with.

Music, it is said that music soothes the savage beast but it also feeds it so I need to be careful in my choices. Listening to music can put me in a particular mood as well as take me out of one. There are two songs especially I like Casting Crowns "Praise You in This Storm" and Kutless "Even I", these two song speak to me where I am to remind me to keep looking at the Lord. Peter was great at walking on the water until he looked away.

Waiting is hard, waiting when it seems that everyone is getting the answer to your prayer is even harder but we need to remember that just as no two snowflake is alike, no two life is alike, no two journey though the destinations may be the same.

Head on over to Morgan's to linkup and to read everyone else.