Not Alone Series: Marriage

Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

Happy Easter everyone!!! Hope you all had a great start to the Easter season. He is risen, Alleluia Alleluia!!!!


Honestly I knew I felt called to marriage because I wanted kids. Now I know a priest who said he felt called to the priesthood because he wanted children so I know that those who have a religious calling also have a desire for parenthood but differently I guess. My desire pulls me towards marriage.

What attracts me to marriage however is what I call the intimacy of normal. Simple, everyday, ordinary tasks that take on an invisible layer of intimacy that's so easy to miss but do beautiful. I am fascinated by couples who grocery shop together, the meet up at the grocery cart or when they start to laugh for no reason over a tin of peas.

Most of the time is not even something special on the outside but still seems so special and intimate to me. I was privileged not too long ago to ride with a great couple after Mass, listening to them discuss the reading and the homily. Applying it to their life, sharing their thoughts and hearts. Simple. Sharing the everyday, ordinary stuff.

Don't get me wrong if I get a super romantic guy who loves to buy me roses I will be ecstatic but I just love the simplicity of having someone to do the ordinary, everyday with.

What are your thoughts on the attraction of marriage?

See what everyone else has to say or share your own thoughts, visit Jen for the link-up.

Not Alone Series: Selfish Singles

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

My grandmother has a saying "friends take you but they don't bring you back", I heard it practically daily as a teenager to warn me against the dangers of following bad company. However the Bible tells me that iron sharpens iron, Proverbs 27:17.

Friends have definitely been very helpful in sharpening me and keeping me from selfishness. I do have the other kind as well but over the years I have learnt to recognised and choose the kind of friend who will enlighten, inspire and encourage over the ones who will keep me stagnant or drag me down.

It is so much easier to give of my time when there is someone else in the trenches with you. Recently my friend called me up to be at a conference as prayer support. I did not want to go, it started early Saturday morning and would take up most of my day. I had errands to run and I had had a long week so I desperately wanted some veg time. I did go simply because my friend asked me and we hadn't spent much time together in a while, I am so glad I went. The time I got to spend with my friend was great though it wasn't much in the way of hanging out but doing something with her, serving with her and just serving was even better.

Sometimes I also need to examine my motives. There will be times that I am genuinely tired and NEED that me time. Those times I'm okay with saying no. There are the times when I just feel like I have given enough and I just don't want to or need to give any more. Those times I need to really look at what is driving that which I don't always feel to in the moment but when I have a quiet moment and feeling a little more at peace I can look back at why I was feeling a certain way.

Doing something I love is a great motivator for me when it comes to being of service to others. You never have to ask me twice to babysit or watch the kids at an event where mommy and daddy are busy. I love children, especially babies, so I am always up for giving my time.

I am also for serving in one area that helps me avoid another task that I particularly don't like. I am a queen of the retreat registration desk by now. It keeps me away from the initial mingling with retreatants and the big welcome talk where I have to be out front talking, I need time to warm up before I am surrounded by a swarm of people I don't know and most people hate the registration desk anyway so I get to be of service and bonus I meet people one on one for a short period and ease my way into the whole thing.

Where can you be of service? What are some ways that you avoid selfish tendencies?

Check out Morgan for the link-up, see what everyone else is saying.

Not Alone Series: Do's and Don'ts of First Dates

What are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

Now I don't have a lot of experience with first dates and the few that I did have were not shining examples of what a first date should be. I would like to think I have learnt a few things though so here are my pearl of wisdom.

Do remember who you are. It may have been a while since you've had a date or may be not so long. You may feel like you've known this guy for ever though you've just met or he may be a total dud. However you will always be you, a child of God. Be gracious even if he isn't. Have self-control even if he doesn't.

Don't forget your standards. No overly friendly physical contact. Have in your mind and you heart your list of Nos and stick to them. It's just the first date, even if he is the most amazing guy you have ever met and you JUST know he is the one, it is still just the first date.

Do have a list of talking points handy. If you are like me, not a natural conversationalist, it may be a good idea to have some pre-chosen topics to talk about during lulls. Don't plan a whole conversation, just have a few topics that you can easily talk about like your favourite football team or Saint. Have a few questions you would like to ask him like about his job or his family. Remember it's not an interrogation just a get to know you.

Don't let your conversation only be negative. If you don't like something that's fine. You don't agree with his point of view on something that's fine too. If everything that comes out of your mouth is whiny and negative that is not fine. Don't suppress your thoughts just to have a good date or impress the guy but maybe you can redirect the conversation if it have been on a negative track too long.

Do be safe. If this a totally new guy especially let someone know where you'll be. Have a day date instead of an evening or night date. Meet somewhere public instead of having him pick you up at home, bonus you have your own car if the date goes south for other reasons.

Do dress comfortably. You want to look nice, special. You want to impress. That's great. However if you are a t-shirt, jeans and sneaker kind of girl then the 10 inch heels may not be the way to go. Dress-up to suit your style and personality.

Do pray. Get God in on this. Before, during and after. Ask Him to be there with you. Thank Him for the great guy who has kept you laughing, smiling or surprised. Beg Him to save you from the jerk. Ask Him to give you patience, calm your nerves and help you to relax.

Do have fun. With dating there is the good, the bad and the ugly. A first date may not necessarily lead to a second but you can still enjoy yourself.



What are your do's and don'ts for dates? See what everyone else has to say, visit Jen for the link-up.

Not Alone Series: Beginning of the Year Goals + Lent!

Remember our first post this year? How are the goals you set going? Regardless of how your goals are going, how are you utilizing this Lent to continue to strive for those goals?

In my first post I spoke about expecting more from myself. Seeing around the problems to the alternatives, the other way around. Remembering "with God I can scale any wall" Ps 18:29

I will say I have my good days and my bad days.

I am realising (not that I didn't know before) that the "with God" is super important. I can expect more of myself, I can look for alternatives, find them and try to do them but without God it's just hard and difficult and draining and downright discouraging.

By expecting more of myself I am learning to trust God more. I am praying more about the tiny things. I have always prayed about the big things, I have along the way learnt to pray about the little things but I never realised that there are tiny problems and situations that I usually tried to handle on my own. I'd get frustrated and give up.

I find myself now asking God to show me the way in some things that I would usually see as not worth the bother but I have realised can really dig at you and leave marks. It's easy to believe you can't if you say it enough times.

This is really helping me through Lent, my usual meat withdrawal and hatred of all things fish is absent this year. I am finding it easier to focus on my goal for Lent which is emerging at Easter looking more like Jesus instead of the steps that I have chosen to get me there. Laura wrote this great post "Which battle are you fighting this Lent" over at Ignium Today. I have been fighting the the wrong battle, so focused on the steps I missed the goal, in fact I usually forgot about the goal.

Expecting more of myself is not about learning to rely on myself knowing I can do it, it's about trusting God and relying on Him to show me the way.

What were your goals at the beginning of the year? Have they changed? Stayed the same but look different? How are you utilizing them this Lent?

Visit Morgan for the link-up, have your say and see what everyone else has to say.

Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers

We have all thought about our list of qualities for our future spouse (and maybe even religious community), but sometimes those can be pretty limiting on who God has planned for you. Instead, maybe think about the few things that are so important to you, that if a guy you were considering dating (or community you were entering) didn't have those things, you would have to move on. Why are those things important to you?

My Faith is important to me, very. My family is very catholic, non-catholic. Going to church and praying alone is lonely. My most important deal breaker is my future husband has to be Catholic. The capital C kind. Who believes and accepts ALL the teachings of the church, I have learnt that those two don't always go together for some people. I love Jesus and the fullness of my Catholic Faith and he needs to as well. He doesn't have to be a perfect Catholic just a practising one.

He has to be living chastely. Not worrying about his past at this time, at least not enough for it to be an immediate deal breaker. However when we meet I need chastity to be a way of life for him not something he doesn't really believe in but will try for me. I certainly don't want to be fighting off grabby and wandering hands or explaining "I don't do that either". Although I guess this would fall under the first deal breaker of him being a practising catholic, although he doesn't have to be Catholic to live chastely.

Now I know people who marry non-Catholics and have a great life. There is a family at my church, the husband comes to Mass with his wife and family every Sunday, he is even semi-involved. They have been married for about 40 years and he is not Catholic, I don't think he has any plan to convert but he is at Mass, participating in everything except receiving Communion. There is another couple where the wife converted after a number of years, the oldest daughter was about eight when it happened. I know non-catholic spouses are not the end of the world. In my heart however, I'm not sure if I could handle one.

What are some of your deal breakers? What are those things you would find hard to overlook? Visit Jen for the link-up and see what everyone else is saying.

Sunday Moments: She Left Her Water Jar

"Then the women left her water jar and went back to the city." John 4:28

Yesterday I was reading and something jumped at me "Faith is the willingness to look foolish." This Samaritan woman who Jesus met at the well she had just such Faith after her encounter with Christ.

She went to the well at the sixth hour alone. Women of that time did everything in groups, a journey to the well was not a solitary trip. She went at the sixth hour aka noon aka the hottest time of day aka the time of day that no one else will be making a well trek. This woman wanted to avoid others, to have nothing to do them.

Yet after an encounter with a Jewish man (the cultural faux pas abound) who offered her what should be impossible even after He lets her know that he knows all of her sins. Every wrong things she has ever done and is still doing (the husband she has not her husband).

This woman's time with Jesus inspired enough Faith for her to be willing to look foolish. Willing to face the people she went to great lengths to avoid. Her Faith was so great that she inspired others, others who were probably also trying to avoid her.

"Many Samaritans from that city believed in him because of the woman's testimony," John 4:39.

Can I step out in Faith like that? Can I inspire Faith like that? Can I leave behind my water jar? Can you?

Not Alone Series: Bucket List

What are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you're excited to do, accomplish, etc. before engagement, marriage, and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything else you'd like to do!

I remember the first time I travelled alone, I was so scared. Travelling alone was completely accidental, my sister and I had been planning this trip and then she had to pull out at close to the last minute. She wanted to cancel the whole thing but I had my heart set on it and I played brave and said I would go alone. Every fear of a single, young female travelling alone flashed through my mind for weeks on end but I was determined to do it. Best decision ever. I was cold-sweating on departure day and I made everyone stay at the airport with me until the very last second but I went and had the time of my life. I loved the feeling of being independent and getting to do a lot on my list that my sister didn't want to do. I faced a fear and lived to tell the tale.

A lot of my bucket list has to do with travel and facing my fears. Getting out of my comfort zone.

Finally take that trip with my sister, I have fallen in love with solo travel so my sister and I have yet to take that trip just us.

Live and possibly work abroad for six months to a year. That independent feeling of living all alone for longer than a one or two week vacations. Not hiding behind the familiar but putting myself out there, getting out of my comfort zone.

Learn to ice-skate properly. I live in the Caribbean, snow is non-existent but I have ice-skated before (indoor rink on a cruise ship), however the 2 year old whizzing by with her dad was ten times better than I was. My balance is zero and I was terrified of falling but I had a great time so I need to find a way to learn.

Experience snow. I know many of you are probably sick of snow right now but I have never seen snow up close and personal. I am not a fan of cold so I go to warm places like Florida for my vacation during the winter. I want to build a snow man and make snow angels, get in a snowball fight.

Take a spontaneous trip. I plan my trips down to the very last detail. I may be over my fear of solo travel but I still need everything just right.

Go to Europe. France and Rome are musts for this trip but there are other countries I want to visit as well.

Learn to play the piano. I took music lessons for a while as a child and I can probably still play "Mary had a little lamb" but a more grown up piece might be better. I can practice with my kids when they take lessons.

Learn to swim. Yes I live on an island (two if you want to get technical) and I cannot swim. I practically lived at the beach as a child and spent a lot of time in the water but I had/have a little fear of letting go, or at least being let go of.

These are just a few of the things I want to get done before I take on a new role in life.

What are some things in your bucket list? Check out what everyone else has visit Morgan for the link-up.