Not Alone Series: Courtship vs. Dating

It might be easy to say that the pursuit of marriage is the purpose of dating (aka courtship). But, that's not how our culture views dating. Does viewing the person you're dating as a potential spouse add unnecessary pressure on the relationship? In your opinion, is there a difference between dating and courtship? If so, what are those differences?

This is very, very late. In fact I wasn't even sure I wanted to finish write it because I'm not sure what I want to say (one of the reasons this took so long to write). I do have a question.

What exactly is courtship and how does it differ from dating? I have previously (before courtship became this ridiculously popular thing) interchanged the two.

My understanding from the use of the term "courtship" it is meant to be dating but not just the couple involved but each others family. They are never left alone. It is meant to "guard" your heart and keep you from heart break.

My problems with these...
While I have no problem spending time with a guys family as I get to know him and we contemplate marriage we need some alone time. I need time to get to know you as you are without a constant audience. I personally will feel the need to be always "on" with my future possible mother-in-law watching.
In any relationship heart break is a possibility. Human feelings are involved. I read a blog with one couple they had their first "I love you's" at the proposal because they didn't feel it was appropriate before hand, they didn't want to endanger each other's hearts, etc. To each his own but I'm sorry if I'm in love with you whether I say it or not if we break up my heart is still going to break. Also if I'm in a serious relationship and the guy has never said he loves me I would feel seriously off-kilter and confused.

I told a friend this recently I wouldn't date a guy I couldn't see myself marrying but I don't think a date automatically leads to a marriage licence. Courtship as I perceive it assumes that jump to the alter.  My question then is there something that comes before courtship or is like a child going to a toy store and just choosing.

There are so many things I need to know and be attracted to in a guy before I get to the point I believe courtship is (just before engagement).

Is courtship just a term to differentiate christian dating from secular dating?

What are you're thoughts on courtship? Visit Jen for the link-up and see what everyone else who linked-up on time had to say.

Not Alone Series: Online Dating Dos & Don'ts

Not all of us have jumped into the world of online dating, but many of us have! What are those things that we should AND shouldn't do?! If someone you know is considering online dating, how would you encourage him/her? What advice do you have?

I put my toe into the online dating world about 3 years ago. I joined Ave Maria Singles (AMS), they had discounts for international users and it was a one time sign up, no experation. You had to apply for the discount and get an email with the code, I had that code for about six months before I actually used it. I kept imaging introducing my future husband to my grandparents , having them ask how we me and getting a lecture from my grandmother on the evils of the internet in front of him.

I joined Catholic Match early last year. Catholic Match is more interactive than AMS and I liked that about it but not every profile is an active, paid profile.

The do's and the don't's:-

Do participate as much as you feel comfortable. Check out the forums, the chat rooms, poll questions. There are great friends to be made besides just finding the one.

Don't spend all your time on the site. Live your life to the fullest, you'll have more to talk about with the people you do meet on the site. You'll be more relaxed, calm and rational if you are not constantly looking at and obsessing over the fact that you haven't been contacted, no one is ever online or whatever annoys you over time.

Do have pictures. I need to see what a person looks like and a general idea of how you spend your time. At a game (any kind cause I don't know jack about sports anyway), that birthday party, the trip you took. I personally don't click on profiles with a photo.

Do have reasonable expectations. If you are 40 don't expect the 20 year old to swoon on receiving your emotigram. Just because you are attracted don't expect the other person to be and don't get mad because they are.

Do be polite. I have a standard thank you but no thank you response. If someone has taken the time to write me a message I do try to respond even if it's just to say that I'm not interested.

Don't string anyone along. If you are not interested don't pretend to be. Sure this may be the only person who has ever contacted you but even after giving it an honest try you just don't see a future say goodbye (really say goodbye don't just stop writing). If you are getting serious about one person don't start a relationship with someone else to hedge your bets. If you are messaging multiple people don't hint at strong feelings to all.

Do leave the computer and meet in person. It's called online dating but the actual dating happens in real life you just meet online. You have to actually spend time with the people you meet in some real life situations.

Have you tried online dating? Are you sceptical about it? Do you have do's or don't's to add to this list? Leave a comment. Also check out Morgan for the link-up to see what every one else has to say on the topic.

Not Alone Series: Do's and Don'ts of First Dates

What are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

Now I don't have a lot of experience with first dates and the few that I did have were not shining examples of what a first date should be. I would like to think I have learnt a few things though so here are my pearl of wisdom.

Do remember who you are. It may have been a while since you've had a date or may be not so long. You may feel like you've known this guy for ever though you've just met or he may be a total dud. However you will always be you, a child of God. Be gracious even if he isn't. Have self-control even if he doesn't.

Don't forget your standards. No overly friendly physical contact. Have in your mind and you heart your list of Nos and stick to them. It's just the first date, even if he is the most amazing guy you have ever met and you JUST know he is the one, it is still just the first date.

Do have a list of talking points handy. If you are like me, not a natural conversationalist, it may be a good idea to have some pre-chosen topics to talk about during lulls. Don't plan a whole conversation, just have a few topics that you can easily talk about like your favourite football team or Saint. Have a few questions you would like to ask him like about his job or his family. Remember it's not an interrogation just a get to know you.

Don't let your conversation only be negative. If you don't like something that's fine. You don't agree with his point of view on something that's fine too. If everything that comes out of your mouth is whiny and negative that is not fine. Don't suppress your thoughts just to have a good date or impress the guy but maybe you can redirect the conversation if it have been on a negative track too long.

Do be safe. If this a totally new guy especially let someone know where you'll be. Have a day date instead of an evening or night date. Meet somewhere public instead of having him pick you up at home, bonus you have your own car if the date goes south for other reasons.

Do dress comfortably. You want to look nice, special. You want to impress. That's great. However if you are a t-shirt, jeans and sneaker kind of girl then the 10 inch heels may not be the way to go. Dress-up to suit your style and personality.

Do pray. Get God in on this. Before, during and after. Ask Him to be there with you. Thank Him for the great guy who has kept you laughing, smiling or surprised. Beg Him to save you from the jerk. Ask Him to give you patience, calm your nerves and help you to relax.

Do have fun. With dating there is the good, the bad and the ugly. A first date may not necessarily lead to a second but you can still enjoy yourself.



What are your do's and don'ts for dates? See what everyone else has to say, visit Jen for the link-up.