Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Not Alone Series: Sex

Our culture is obsessed with sex. With anyone! At anytime! If you want to, just do it! But, the Church teaches that sex was created for the context of marriage. Why do you choose to abstain? Why aren't you going around having sex with just anyone? How would you encourage others to do the same? How do you remain strong when everything in our culture is encouraging you to abandon your convictions?


In the beginning I wasn't having sex because I had no interest and now I'm not having sex because I know better.

During my teenage years I didn't date. I may have wanted a boyfriend at some point but I had no interest in sex. The girls I hung out with were the "good" girls, some had boyfriends the rest of us didn't but we were all not having sex. We didn't go around thinking sex was some dirty thing but we knew and agreed that sex was not right for us at that stage of our lives. One of my friends was a pastor's daughter so she probably had some theology or at least biblical understanding about why she was waiting the rest of us were just waiting.

Sex wasn't something we discussed in our circles. We knew other kids who were having it, most didn't try to keep it a secret. It was something they were proud of. I hadn't even kissed a boy before I graduated so sex wasn't something on my to do list. Plus even some of the "bad" girls were virgins and proud of it. There was no pull to have sex to fit in so I graduated an 18 year old virgin and was okay with that.

Now I know better.

In the early years I didn't care to have sex, everyone around me wasn't having sex and my closest friends were committed to their virginity. My decision wasn't based on my Faith or God.

Now I know why I shouldn't be having sex. I know that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. I know that I am made for love. I know that true love waits.

God wants only the best for me and that is not having sex with every guy I feel attracted to. That would be insanity. Sex is the total giving of self, my mind, my heart, my soul, my fertility, body and every single hangup I have with it. Having sex outside of marriage doesn't allow for that total giving of self you instinctively hold something back to protect yourself or because that is not the person you want to give those things to. So you withhold your heart because you don't really love this person you're just having fun. You withhold your fertility because you can't get pregnant for this guy. Your mind and your soul because you're not sure you can trust this guy with your deepest thoughts and feelings.

I have a new group of friends who are committed to not having sex until marriage. Many are virgins, some have had sex before but have re-committed to waiting until marriage, I draw encouragement from them and I hope I also encourage them. Our conversations resolve around the premise that if you aren't married you aren't having sex therefore if we talk about the hot date you had over the weekend no one will be asking if you have or when you plan to sleep with him.

How about YOU? Why do you choose to not have sex? How do you stay strong to your commitment? Leave a comment below and check out Jen for the link-up to see what everyone else is saying.