Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Not Alone Series: Why Not Both?

We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another". What is your perspective on this? In what ways can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds?

For me sometimes it is hard after a friend gets married to maintain the friendship we had before but I am learning that's okay. I can't maintain the same friendship because it has changed just as friendships change when you transition from kids to teenagers, students to working adults, friendships change when marriage enters the picture.

Allow the friendship to evolve and grow, enjoy the aspects that stay the same and embrace the things that are new and different. I have hated some of the changes but many have been great and have actually helped to improve my friendships along the way. One of them being the great resource of the husband when an unbiased, semi-neutral, male opinion is needed.

Realise that you aren't the only one experiencing a change, your married friends are also affected by the changes that are taking place. One friend after she got married felt a little left out of the group for a while. We had no idea she felt that way for a while but after a very heartfelt conversation we realised that we all had preconceived notions about the other and they were far from correct. While we were thinking that she would prefer to spend the time with the hubby (and she did but not all the time) she thought we didn't really want her around as much, which was definitely not true.

Communication is so important. Everyone is sitting around thinking what they are thinking and if no one is doing any talking we can continue to believe what we think is correct and it could be very far from that.

My married friends and I do many new activities when we get together and some are growing on me like spending time baby watching and talking instead of maybe going out. We miss out on doing some other activities like getting away for the weekend, then those who were there would tell the stories but we have learnt to be sensitive so as not to make people feel left out.

I believe if I loved you as a good friend when we were both single, I can also love you as a  good friend now that you're married. It may take time to find a new normal but if I treasure the friendship and you do to we can make it work.

How do you bridge the gap between the singles and the married? See what everyone else is saying visit Jen for the link up.